Audioccult 132: Rejected Article Ideas

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– NEW SOURCE FOUND: AUDIOCCULT IDEA BOOK**********

As the rest of the capitalist ejaculate from seasonal social convulsions continues to rain down upon us, I’m dumping all the half-formed ideas from my notebook onto you, the consumer. Be they sudden ideas that never went anywhere, 2 hot 4 EB, or completely indecipherable while sober, these fragments reach out to you from across the ether. Peace be upon ye.

– Beavis and Butthead laugh for 10 minutes over Steve Reich’s 1966 iconic phase piece Come Out, which is believed to feature the first recording of a member of The Nation of Gods and Earths for a musical piece.

– An intimate portrait of a couple’s shattered relationship that elevates their most painful moments and transparencies into a short graphic. The 17th panel shows their bedroom habits, which when held in front of a mirror reveals a hologram of a centipede fluttering its legs.

– Real cops stripping to “Crowleymass“/ Cocaine overdose.

– An 18-page script for a dramatic pilot where Siouxsie Sioux turns out to be Left-Eye Lopez. The dialogue includes inexplicable and often anachronistic references to other, better shows currently on air.

– An expanding list of songs I’ve unchopped and unscrewed, thereby alleviating the aura of disrespect placed upon these artists and their music.

– Two pages of my notebook are dedicated to an open letter addressed demanding that the fans of dead musicians are no longer able to wish their beloved corpse happy birthday and RIP at the same time. Dead people having birthdays is unholy, and greedy.

– The phrase “The X-Files Religion” is circled in red several times and followed by rigorously detailed dogma which is impossible to read thanks to frequent tear stains.

-A page of tightly-packed transcribed Alice Cooper lyrics, just to lend an air of fucked-up rebellion. “I’m a hungry man, but I dont want pizza”? No wonder parents hated this guy.

— Time travel articles: A 17th century composer cackles wildly as a ten-second loop of his music annoys the shit out of a bank customer on automated hold, ‘Air Bud’ clause applied in 1995 where certain crimes are acceptable if there’s ‘nothing in the rule book’. A torn fragment, the phrase MEDIEVAL TWEEN just legible, flutters in the breeze and wheezes from your lips….

-The legends as detailed in the back of the book say that if you chant CAN YOU SMELL WHAT THE ROCK IS COOKING three times in front of a mirror, Vin Diesel will appear with a crew-cut and ask if you want in on a round of Magic: The Gathering. Too much of a jabroni to try….

Published December 19, 2014. Words by Daniel Jones.